He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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