I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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