i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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