i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
