I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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