Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
