jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
