some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
