Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
