i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
