i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
