You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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