Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
