I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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