mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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