I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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