i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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