Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
