she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
