it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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