I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
