y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
