I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
