you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
