Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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