Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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