sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
