dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
