Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
