My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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