when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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