Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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