While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
