Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
