whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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