Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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