And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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