My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
