She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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