Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
