Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
