You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
