I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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