I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
