Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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