i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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