are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
