After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize