I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
