Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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