I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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