Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
