Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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