Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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