he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
