I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
