Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
