Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
