Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
