Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
