Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
