At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
soo... how was my night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize