If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
